Inside the Rebellion of Saints

this is for all the kids who glow in the dark. I'm the narrator and this is just the prologue.

Posts tagged heart

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I am so tired of this ache. The weight of the pain that won’t go away. This time I’m sure it’s here to stay. I’m on the verge of giving up or breaking down. To hide all that I bear inside me is more than any girl should have to carry alone. I’m so exhausted with recycling my heart for every boy who decides to waltz into my life and play with it. Come to stay or don’t come at all. Because some of us can’t handle the pain in the aftermath. Some of us get attached. And YES some of us even fall in love. Don’t trouble yourself with giving me advice. If we were to be real, we’d all admit we know just how it feels to be so high and so in love, just to come crashing down like tragic waves … leaving that feeling of emptiness yet again. It’s human, yet such an inhumane crime to commit. To wound a heart that loves so fondly.

Filed under me personal life love heart heartbreak heartbroken depression truth pain

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On February 25th 2004 the love of my life was born.

Her name is Maggie. 

She is my sister, my best friend, my joy, my heart, my inspiration, the apple of my eye.

She saves my life every day with her smile and her spunk.

I cannot imagine life without her.

She is my greatest joy and my greatest blessing.

I honestly doubt I could ever love anyone or anything more than this child. 

Filed under sister baby baby sister christmas santa elf love family joy blessing kisses kiss friend heart inspiration life personal me

1 note &

Reflection:

So many bodies and endless voices. 

The possibilites are beyond my calculation.

Many are strangers or quiet aqaintences.

I wish this journey would end.

I still smell his cologne clinging to my shirt.

The fragrance is sweet and warm.

The comforting tones of a gentleman’s voice dance wildly around a restless heart.

There’s too much noise to hear Your voice.

Besides, I’m afraid of silence.

If you want to discover an endless lover, look no farther.

I’m dreamer in need of a savior, a damsel desiring a prince.

My lips are lonely and I wish that only your wish would be my heart.

So I sit here waiting and contemplating the odds of this game we call “love”.

When we truly depart, will there be enough to finish what I’d like to start?

I’m beginning to feel that heaven is real and heartache is a role I’ve landed.

I’ve memorized the script, every last bit and the character I’ve taken on.

But this is more than a play, too complex to be a game.

It’s become the life that I’ve made for myself.

Desire what I can never have, still God has that “plan”.

I just wish things would go my way.

Filed under poem poetry life love romance college personal me game script God faith heaven heart heartache wild lover silence voice dance gentleman cologne

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This one’s for you —-

I love you deeply, unselfishly, passionately, truly, purely, for your own sake.

not for what you do, but who you are.

I love your soul.

I fall in love with you more and more each day.

it is something I cannot describe, but it takes my breath away.

through thick and thin - I’ve learned you’ve got to fight in order to win.

I love your imperfections, and yes the many scars.

because they make up who you are.

and who you are is what I want.

I only want to hold your hand 

and kiss your lips.

feel your arms around me.

that’s it.

and if I died with you by my side - I can’t think of a happier goodbye.

you are my fairytale.

my prince.

you are the greatest blessing that I could ever get.

I pray for you.

I carry you in my heart.

I can’t see anyone else.

even when we’re miles apart.

you’re the half of me I’ve been missing.

the puzzle piece that makes this all complete.

God put you in my life so perfectly.

sometimes you make me cry.

tears of joy along with tears of pain.

but even when I felt that we were falling apart - I loved you just the same (if not more).

that shows me this is true.

you’re worth it.

that’s nothing new.

but I’m so proud to call you mine.

and if I could wake each morning to see your smiling face (even with the stinky breath) that would be a heavenly place.

I’m honored to know you.

I’m scared to lose you.

I cherish your love.

I know I can’t make you stay

and that this is all out of our control,

but I pray each day that I won’t ever have to let you go.

because my heart has found a home.

and that is you.

so I pray that God lets me stay with you.

because I’m tired of searching.

I’ve found what I need.

so if we can wait and pray awhile,

I’m sure that we will see

that the beauty of our love is the way it sets us free.

how perfectly we complete each other and allow ourselves simply to be.

knowing that you exist is a knowledge I can’t define.

It feels like something especially treasured.

something completely divine.

you are every love song.

the constant rythm of thoughts in my head.

you make me feel like a princess

or maybe a queen instead. 

so if you could read my soul, this is exactly what you’d see.

this is all quite very simple. 

this one’s for you, from me. <3

Filed under heart life love personal poem romance soul pure true love passion faith day breath win fight scars kiss lips arms hands fairytale happy goodbye prince pray God perfect perfection piece cry

2 notes &

A Prayer For Couples (by Marianne Williamson)

Dear God,

Please make of our relationship a great and holy adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here, a haven for our souls.

Remove from us any temptation to judge one another or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us to not forget.

Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections, but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.

May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us, for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing, a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow, let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man, the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we are repaired.

May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us, and show us how You would have us be.

Thank you, dear God, You who are the cement between us.
Thank You for this love.

Amen.

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"The Hound of Heaven" By Francis Thompson

I FLED Him, down the nights and down the days;  I fled Him, down the arches of the years;I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways    Of my own mind; and in the mist of tearsI hid from Him, and under running laughter.        5      Up vistaed hopes I sped;      And shot, precipitated,Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears,  From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.      But with unhurrying chase,       10      And unperturbèd pace,Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,      They beat—and a Voice beat      More instant than the Feet—‘All things betray thee, who betrayest Me.’       15           I pleaded, outlaw-wise,By many a hearted casement, curtained red,  Trellised with intertwining charities;(For, though I knew His love Who followèd,        Yet was I sore adread       20Lest, having Him, I must have naught beside).But, if one little casement parted wide,  The gust of His approach would clash it to.  Fear wist not to evade, as Love wist to pursue.Across the margent of the world I fled,       25  And troubled the gold gateways of the stars,  Smiting for shelter on their clangèd bars;        Fretted to dulcet jarsAnd silvern chatter the pale ports o’ the moon.I said to Dawn: Be sudden—to Eve: Be soon;       30  With thy young skiey blossoms heap me over        From this tremendous Lover—Float thy vague veil about me, lest He see!  I tempted all His servitors, but to findMy own betrayal in their constancy,       35In faith to Him their fickleness to me,  Their traitorous trueness, and their loyal deceit.To all swift things for swiftness did I sue;  Clung to the whistling mane of every wind.      But whether they swept, smoothly fleet,       40    The long savannahs of the blue;        Or whether, Thunder-driven,    They clanged his chariot ’thwart a heaven,Plashy with flying lightnings round the spurn o’ their feet:—  Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue.       45      Still with unhurrying chase,      And unperturbèd pace,    Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,      Came on the following Feet,      And a Voice above their beat—       50    ‘Naught shelters thee, who wilt not shelter Me.’ I sought no more that after which I strayed  In face of man or maid;But still within the little children’s eyes  Seems something, something that replies,       55They at least are for me, surely for me!I turned me to them very wistfully;But just as their young eyes grew sudden fair  With dawning answers there,Their angel plucked them from me by the hair.       60‘Come then, ye other children, Nature’s—shareWith me’ (said I) ‘your delicate fellowship;  Let me greet you lip to lip,  Let me twine with you caresses,    Wantoning       65  With our Lady-Mother’s vagrant tresses,    Banqueting  With her in her wind-walled palace,  Underneath her azured daïs,  Quaffing, as your taintless way is,       70    From a chaliceLucent-weeping out of the dayspring.’    So it was done:I in their delicate fellowship was one—Drew the bolt of Nature’s secrecies.       75  I knew all the swift importings  On the wilful face of skies;  I knew how the clouds arise  Spumèd of the wild sea-snortings;    All that’s born or dies       80  Rose and drooped with; made them shapersOf mine own moods, or wailful or divine;  With them joyed and was bereaven.  I was heavy with the even,  When she lit her glimmering tapers       85  Round the day’s dead sanctities.  I laughed in the morning’s eyes.I triumphed and I saddened with all weather,  Heaven and I wept together,And its sweet tears were salt with mortal mine;       90Against the red throb of its sunset-heart    I laid my own to beat,    And share commingling heat;But not by that, by that, was eased my human smart.In vain my tears were wet on Heaven’s grey cheek.       95For ah! we know not what each other says,  These things and I; in sound I speak—Their sound is but their stir, they speak by silences.Nature, poor stepdame, cannot slake my drouth;  Let her, if she would owe me,      100Drop yon blue bosom-veil of sky, and show me  The breasts o’ her tenderness:Never did any milk of hers once bless    My thirsting mouth.    Nigh and nigh draws the chase,      105    With unperturbèd pace,  Deliberate speed, majestic instancy;    And past those noisèd Feet    A voice comes yet more fleet—  ‘Lo! naught contents thee, who content’st not Me!’      110Naked I wait Thy love’s uplifted stroke!My harness piece by piece Thou hast hewn from me,    And smitten me to my knee;  I am defenceless utterly.  I slept, methinks, and woke,      115And, slowly gazing, find me stripped in sleep.In the rash lustihead of my young powers,  I shook the pillaring hoursAnd pulled my life upon me; grimed with smears,I stand amid the dust o’ the mounded years—      120My mangled youth lies dead beneath the heap.My days have crackled and gone up in smoke,Have puffed and burst as sun-starts on a stream.  Yea, faileth now even dreamThe dreamer, and the lute the lutanist;      125Even the linked fantasies, in whose blossomy twistI swung the earth a trinket at my wrist,Are yielding; cords of all too weak accountFor earth with heavy griefs so overplussed.  Ah! is Thy love indeed      130A weed, albeit an amaranthine weed,Suffering no flowers except its own to mount?  Ah! must—  Designer infinite!—Ah! must Thou char the wood ere Thou canst limn with it?      135My freshness spent its wavering shower i’ the dust;And now my heart is as a broken fount,Wherein tear-drippings stagnate, spilt down ever  From the dank thoughts that shiverUpon the sighful branches of my mind.      140  Such is; what is to be?The pulp so bitter, how shall taste the rind?I dimly guess what Time in mists confounds;Yet ever and anon a trumpet soundsFrom the hid battlements of Eternity;      145Those shaken mists a space unsettle, thenRound the half-glimpsèd turrets slowly wash again.  But not ere him who summoneth  I first have seen, enwoundWith glooming robes purpureal, cypress-crowned;      150His name I know, and what his trumpet saith.Whether man’s heart or life it be which yields  Thee harvest, must Thy harvest-fields  Be dunged with rotten death?       Now of that long pursuit      155    Comes on at hand the bruit;  That Voice is round me like a bursting sea:    ‘And is thy earth so marred,    Shattered in shard on shard?  Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest Me!      160  Strange, piteous, futile thing!Wherefore should any set thee love apart?Seeing none but I makes much of naught’ (He said),‘And human love needs human meriting:  How hast thou merited—      165Of all man’s clotted clay the dingiest clot?  Alack, thou knowest notHow little worthy of any love thou art!Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,  Save Me, save only Me?      170All which I took from thee I did but take,  Not for thy harms,But just that thou might’st seek it in My arms.  All which thy child’s mistakeFancies as lost, I have stored for thee at home:      175  Rise, clasp My hand, and come!’  Halts by me that footfall:  Is my gloom, after all,Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly?  ‘Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,      180  I am He Whom thou seekest!Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me.’

Filed under Christian poem faith the hound of heaven inspire francis thompson God love Savior Catholic inspiration beautiful victorian hope voice heart stars moon love

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"If you have a pulse…you have a purpose."

this video truly shows the beautiful meaning of life. it inspires me and touches my heart. please take a moment to watch this. you won’t regret it! :)

God is good.

He sends miracles in the most unlikely of ways and circumstances. <3

From Jonathan’s caringbridge site:

At just under 18 weeks into our pregnancy, Jason and I learned that we were having another little boy. Within 30 minutes of that happy news came the knowledge that something had been detected by ultrasound that required a level 2 ultrasound and visit to the specialist. The next day, our worst fears were realized as we were told that our baby had issues that were “fatal” and “incompatible with life”. Given the options of terminating the pregnancy or carrying a baby that would not live, we felt devastated and hopelessIn the end, we realized that it was not our decision to make and so we chose to leave it in God’s hands.  Once we made that decision, we immediately felt the weight lift and we were completely at peace.  We named our baby Jonathan, because it means “gift from God” and that’s exactly what Jonathan is. 

I am now 31 weeks pregnant and although there are good and bad days, I can say that Jason and I have never once looked back or regretted our decision to continue to carry this little boy. We don’t know what lies ahead, but one thing has become clear: that things are not exactly what they seemed at 18 weeks. Please see our journal entries for more of Jonathan’s story.  We know so many of you are praying for us and we cannot thank you enough for that. Keep those prayers coming! 

Love to you all, 

Lauren, Jason and Tyler”
for more on Jonathan’s life and progress go to:http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jonathanpeetz/mystory

(Source: youtube.com)

Filed under life love God miracles pro-life inspire inspiring baby joy jonathan live faith trust strength true love courage sacrifice story heart

3 notes &

A Prayer for True Love

The name of Jesus sends a rush of joy through my heart.

The name of Jesus conquers fear and slaughters demons.

The name of Jesus saves souls and gives life purpose.

The name of Jesus is my hope and true love.

Blessed be Your name.

——————————-

Don’t let me fall in love with the empty promises of this world, for I am not of this world. I am Yours and want to plant my heart firmly in Heaven. My love, if placed in Your wounded hands, will not become dust; the mere touch of Your holy Blood gives it new and eternal life. Help me to love everyone I meet half as much as I should. Let me dance with You until You send Mr. Right. Even then, be watching our dance like an older brother.

You don’t break what’s Yours. You won’t let someone else break me, either. Don’t let me follow the path of broken love. I want to follow the path of true love, Your path, because You are love. If I should stray and hurt myself, help my broken heart remember that You’re still waiting. If I should stray, gently remind me that You will accept me back.

The name of Jesus gives me healing.

Jesus, be mine.

I love You.

Amen. 

(Source: acatholicsheep.com)

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