Posts tagged personal
Posts tagged personal
Hello y’all! Well so far college has been one hell of a journey for me and you’ve all been there with me every step of the way through all the ups and downs. This next step in my college career takes me to Gaming Austria to spend a semester abroad. This is my first time leaving the US and flying over seas! I’m so nervous but excited as well!! I’ll be joining around 170 students from my school and we basically are relocating for 4 months to our sister campus in Austria! It’s a pretty sweet deal :) I’ll be visiting many countries and making pilgrimages to various holy places. I’ve decided that for this kind of adventure I’m going to need a separate blog … so I created one! Please be sure to check that out: findingmyselfinaustria.tumblr.com
Please hit me up with questions and prayer intentions!!
See you on the other side :)
Peace and Blessings, Mary Beth
I fell in love with him slowly and then all at once.
His very presence in my life caught me off guard. I wasn’t looking for him. I wasn’t looking for love. It just appeared in the form of a man I’d never expect to fall for. But I did. Deeply.
Everything about him was different, and a bit awkward, strong yet gentle. I could tell he was going places…and I wanted to see where.
So I just went with the flow. You know how life goes. There’s no stopping it and certainly it can’t be controlled (at least not by me). I lived in a constant fear of messing things up and maybe in some ways I did. I can’t seem to follow rules. But some things were worth breaking. Like my ego and pride - I couldn’t pretend to be anything around him. Something about this guy made me be inexcusably myself - I loved it.
Things became comfortable and routine - yet he always kept me on my feet.
—- I can’t believe I’m talking about this in the past tense. —-
Though I may never see him again - I will remember every detail. The way his tongue catches on his teeth when he talks, his smell, the warmth of his cheeks, the softness of his hands, the persistence of his lips against mine and how we gasped for breath.
The kindness he always showed to everyone and how carefree he was - made me in turn want to be a better person.
He brought peace to my mind and rest to my soul. I liked it. Somehow I felt he was a blessing from God - one I could wrap my arms around.
I could hardly contain myself around him simply because I felt alive.
When I finally admitted to myself that I loved him…I knew it was done.
Now I have to let you go —- for a while at least. It’s breaking my heart, but a piece of you will always be with me.
Please don’t forget about me.
"I fear the day that I do not receive Holy Communion. This bread of the Strong gives me all the stength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever the Lord asks of me. The courage and strength that are in me are not of me but of Him who lives in me — it is the Eucharist." — St. Faustina
Okay so please put me as the source for this! I posted this picture 3 years ago. A friend of mine named Chris Kurfoot made this as his senior art project.
…people say I have a problem with it.
And well yes that might be true. I came out of the womb kicking and screaming, because despite being 10 days late I wasn’t ready in my own mind to be thrown out into the world. I’ve been kicking and screaming my way through life ever since …I suppose you could say.
I have a habit of going right simply because I was instructed to go left.
Like the late James Dean, I fancy myself to be a rebel without a cause (hence my blog name…among other reasons).
I think the truth of the matter above all else is this: I value my freedom (of both speech & action) as well as my God-given free will above anything else in life. I don’t trust people who tell me what to do, because frankly the only person I believe anyone has to answer to is God. And honestly how can anyone be sure of whats best for me if they don’t walk in my shoes? It’s quite rational really.
When it comes to people in positions of authority…I often wonder how they could fancy themselves to be anything better than what I am. We are all the same, all fallen creatures, all children of one Divine Being who lives outside of time and space. Obedience to anyone other than God in my opinion is slavery. I will be a slave to no one.
Most people that claim to be “bosses” or “managers” don’t take the time to earn my trust or respect, it’s either naturally assumed or demanded. This isn’t the right way to go about anything. I will never respond to demands.
I live by a certain code of rebellion.
I live by my own rules.
This rant is now over.
Thanks for listening/reading.
I fell in love with the way he breathed. His voice when he spoke to those around us. His presence when he walked into a room. Sometimes it was just enough to know he was near. I carry him in my heart and replay his voice over in my head when we are apart. I fell in love with the way he touched my heart and made me feel alive. The glow I could feel growing inside me, shooting life back into my soul. I fell in love with the man he was trying to be - and the woman he somehow made me in the process. The soft touch of his hands was the warmth I needed.
I lost my grandmother last week.
I’m working a great job and though I love it, it’s slowly draining me physically and mentally. Working 16 hour days every day will do that.
I made some poor choices in college this semester, which led me to be a woman I wasn’t proud of. I have to live with that and all those consequences. It’s haunting and I feel like it looms over my head. Though I passionately feel God’s mercy towards my heart, I still feel like I’m trying to live it down and everything seems to be a constant reminder of how I have failed in one way or another. The devil has a habit of doing that to us. But he’s not gonna win this time. But all of life is not doom and gloom. There are some good things.
I have an incredible friend in my life and he continues to just radiate this joy that electrifies my soul. Its incredible and I see how God is working through him to heal my heart and teach me things that I didn’t know about myself or the world. He’s renewed my faith in the reality of good people in the world, but more importantly the existence of good guys. I honestly thought were extinct. But I live in a constant state of losing him because I just in my core believe that I’m not good enough. Somehow I’m gonna mess it up —- this is a real fear and it’s eating me up inside, trying to overwhelm my joy.
But God is good, and He is faithful —- so very faithful to me. It often blows my mind.
Prayers would be appreciated honestly.
In life all I want is to be loved. Its not easy I know. But I promise if you stay I’ll never leave you alone. You’ll never grow bored. I promise to always make our life together an adventure.
Rosie the Riveter <3
I always find it a bit odd when I observe the images people conjure up of Jesus Christ.
It’s like we’re reading two entirely different Bibles at times.
The world has fallen for this portrait of a caucasian, tender-hearted, pushover with an unusual love for bright colored clothing. [Jesus was a poor Jew…]
This isn’t quite the vision that comes to mind when I read the Scriptures. Jesus knew the truth and he let it set Him free - fully human and fully divine, He walked as one among us.
The Jesus I praise was/is an unconventional, controversial, rebellious badass with serious balls. He was point blank, frank, blunt even. Unafraid to call it like He saw it. He turned tables - literally. Often times He would just call people out for what they were - religious hypocrites, close minded, and racist (take the story of the good Samaritan for example). Sure He had a soft spot for the underdog, but that didn’t make Him a wimp by any means.
Jesus was a full blood Jew in the royal line of King David (the badass who killed Goliath). His fingers were probably callused, His skin dark and worn from years of hot carpentry work in Israel’s harsh climate. He most likely wore humble garments that were far from white (and not clean by today’s standards) and His hair probably wasn’t kept.
My Jesus was a radical revolutionary. One might even call Him a hippie of sorts - living by a message of peace, hope and equality for all of God’s creation. So where exactly the modern mainstream image of Jesus originated from I can’t seem to figure out. When people speak of Jesus, sometimes I have to stifle a laugh. I’m sure from up in Heaven at the right hand of the Father, Jesus chuckles a little bit too.
Perhaps we need to rediscover the Scriptures and remember our fearless and bold Savior. A man who was tender enough to welcome children into His arms, yet firm enough to turn the whole world upside down, bringing people to their knees. He wasn’t afraid to turn the other cheek, but He certainly wasn’t afraid to let His voice be heard either.
This is the Man-God that early Christians were willing to suffer extreme torture and executions for at the hands of the Romans.
Clearly this God, messiah, prophet, teacher, Lord, savior is unconventional.
Part of me can’t help but paint this picture in my mind of Jesus with two bold fingers up in the face of the nagging pharisees.
…but that’s just me…and I’m weird.
I suppose the beauty and appeal of Jesus Christ is the fact that He is the Savior of all for all. There are no boundaries or limits to His love and mercy. It’s just hardcore 24/7 lovin’. He can be whatever we want Him to be because He wants our relationship to be personal and intimate.
So whether your faith is catered to the common caucasian Jesus of Western pop culture, or my rugged and radical one, the point essentially is this: Jesus does love you individually with a fiercely unconventional and passionate love. And that I hope is something we can all agree on. :)
DEPECHE MODE - ENJOY THE SILENCE
I was seriously obsessed with this video when I was in middle school. My parents blessed me with an old VHS tape that had like about 10 hours of music videos off MTV recorded on it. All 1980’s alternative classic gems. I grew up on this stuff. Perhaps that’s why my music tastes are so golden now. Thanks mom & dad.
Parenting: they did it right.
I fell in love with the way the moon reflected off my skin
and cascaded down my bedsheets.
He shot through my window with his mysterious glow.
Illuminated with his nightly hue.
"Come to me."
He would sing ever so softly.
And I, restless, would have to follow after him.
Sleepless nights, turned into sleepless weeks, as our love grew deeper.
My devotion to him I expressed through song and dance.
Basking in his pure delight.
I swayed in his shadow, humming a tune stuck in my head.
The world however, was fast asleep.
And night was mine for the taking.
It was just he and I.
Alone, but couldn’t be happier.
I fell hard and fast for the gracefulness in his touch.
The magic feeling his presence would awaken within me.
The moon is my lover, my friend and companion.
He knows my darkest secrets and my heart’s deepest desires.
From him there is nothing I can hide.
At night I am embraced in his shadow.
I fall asleep as he slowly fades away.
When night is captured by morning.
All the day long I crave his soft touch, as the heat from the sun
beats on my fair back.
The calm of the night brings about such delight.
At times it leaves me speechless.
I am entranced by his beauty.
The moon fills every space with his gentle glow.
I hide in his arms, as he wipes away my worries.
Only if for one night.
This is when I truly come alive.
He sees my true colors.
He highlights the lines of my body.
With him I’m safe from the world.
I am a lover of the moon.
A lover of the night.